My mom also thinks I should write

Remember the days of yor, when people would ask you, what do you want to be when you grow up? Doctor, Lawyer, Teacher, Astronaut etc. etc. (Yes I am the type of person who doesn't really know what I want to do when I grop up yet. I think part of the problem is I like so many things. I have been that way my whole life. I defy anyone to define me. I have been trying to do just that my whole life and ... so far, nothing. I am pretty much an exercise in opposities. Like dressing up, like weareing sweats, like thinking about things analitically, so appreciate creative things etc. Have the talents and likes to fit into the corporate world and could really see myself there, yet I can't really see myself there. So how in the world do I decide what I want to be when I grow up?) So you see my problem? I know exactly what I like and who I am. In the mean time, I don't really know what I like and dislike so how can I say I know myself?

Hmmm. Things to ponder.

Well now to the title of my post. I have recently discovered that I have completed the requirements for my bachelor's degree. I haven't seriously thought about graduate schools, or post bachelor degree stuff, outside of daydreaming, but now that the time has arrived, I am asking myself, what do I want to do. It feels like so much more of a cross road. What if I choose wrong. What if I choose and don't get to come back and explore the other avenues? What if I am cheating myself out of really great things because I choose something inside of the box, ie. Masters in history, Masters in Poly Sci, Study of genealogy and oral history, etc. What if I could be really great at medicine, what if I could be really great at ...artsy stuff. What if I can sculpt and I don't know it. I would like to try it. What if I could be great at playing the violin, I would really like to. What if I could do beautiful things with cake and pastries like the Ace of Cake guy. I would really like to do that too. What if I could make a lot of money just by working smartly in investments or business? I would love to do that too.

Ok now really to the title of my post. My mother has always believed that a writer lives inside of me. As evidence of this posting, I clearly need some work in that area. I was discussing the consuming concern of what do to with my post bachelorette life with my parents and wouldn't you know that they did the very parenty thing? Gosh darnet. I know those tricks now since I have kids. You let them talk out their problems, give them support and make some suggestions, and then let them work it out for themselves; find their own way. That is what my parents did. UHHH! We do it to our children not because we don't love, love, love them, but because we do! We want them to decide for themselves what is best for them. We want them to seek inspriation, we want them to examine and weigh and decipher and them come to a decision. I know that with my children when they do this, their decisions are great! They own their decisions and they move forward with them. This is one of the best ways a prarent supports their children. It is one of the ways we say, "I love you," to our children. So, to my parents, I say, Thanks, I love you too, but...but...but... Alright fine, I will keep working on it, but if I make the wrong decision, it is on you! (Ludicracy of that last statement processing in my brain at the moment) Shoot! It is on me! That is the way these things are set-up aren't they.

Ok what would I tell my own child if they came to me with this problem? I would say, Don't worry so much about it. Just go forward and make a step. If you don't like where the step is taking you, step back and try a different step. You can do that 10 times or 100 times or for the rest of your life. If you go one way for a while and decide to try something different, do it. It doens't matter if you take a wrong step or if you try 25 different things. What matters is that you keep trying and keep moving forward. You will find what you are good at (and I suspect there will be many), you will find what you are ment to do (and I suspect there will be many different things at different times of your life), and you will find what and whom God wants you to find be a servant to him (and I suspect this will be the easiest of them all. God can use you anywhere and anyplace.) Don't be afraid. You have gifts and talents that can't be found in anyone else but you. Use them. Gift the world with yourself.

(Please excuese me for a moment while I wipe away a tear. My head is swiming with ephipany type feelings)

Wow, that was amazing. Maybe God gives us children so we can be smarter.

Wow.

(Please pause to fully appreciate the calm silence...)

Wow, that feels good.

Thanks Mom and Dad for raising me so that your words come out of my mouth when I talk to my kids.

oh...
My mom also thinks I should write.

The Devious Giggler

Let me set the scene: This morning, I was sitting at the computer, Tod was taking a shower, Madelyn was getting dressed and Spencer was...well just playing with toys and generally have a good time. I noticed Spencer laughing and tee-hee-hee-ing. I didn't think much of it because he is a happy kid in the morning. He and Tod had been exchanging tickles all morning long. The next thing I know, Spencer comes running out of the bathroom laughing HARD and heading for his bedroom. Then I heard Tod yell, "Ahhhh!" from the shower, followed by, "Spencer! Spencer come here! Come here now!" Well, Spencer is no fool. He was NOT going to come. He was laughing and giggling from his room. Well immediately I jump up and go check on Tod. I walked in to see the water in the sink running. Tod said, "Spencer turned on the Hot water in the sink and ran away." In our bathroom, if the hot water is turned on in the sink, the shower goes cold. I turned the water off for Tod and couldn't help laughing. I couldn't believe that devious little boy of mine would think to do something like that. When Tod got out of the shower, he gave Spencer a wegie. What a funny kid I have. Remind me never to shower when Spencer is home.

Update

Lots has happened since my last post. My brother came home and it was an emotional homecoming. My Grandfather, B. LaMar Williams passed away which was very sad but in the end it is ok. I am happy that he is now the person he was. He no longer has to live with the effects of Dementia. I have no questions about where he is or who he is with or what he is doing. I know. It is really good to know. I am sad but not destitute. I know that we will be together again. My Grandmother is grieving and learning how to be on her own. A difficult thing to do since she was his primary care giver for the last 8 or 9 years. I miss him. I am glad that my brother got to visit with my grandfather before he passed away. It was sad to watch him die but important for me. I needed to see the process so that I could have closure. For me, when I saw him in the casket, he did not look like himself. He didn't look like the man that I had just spend the last 2 weeks with. I cried but I realized right away that he was no longer there. I am ok. He was buried in the Cypress Forrest Lawn Cemetery. We gave honor to him, we gave love to him, and we remembered him. Over all it was a good day.